


Somewhere Along the Horizon

by bigcatsandkatanas



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-18
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-05 03:09:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1803145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigcatsandkatanas/pseuds/bigcatsandkatanas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When ties are cut loose, Walter White travels to California for a new start. Somewhere along the way he is haunted by the memory of an ex-student who is now working in the the porn industry. Although it's all free drugs and glamour for young Jesse Pinkman, it doesn't take long for the two of them to reconnect and find trouble, the both of them spiraling down together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. At the Bottom of a Well

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry in advance for any typos, if anyone wants to beta for me just contact me, that'd be super awesome. I would be a liar if I said I wasn't influenced by my recent binge on Lana Del Rey songs and my obsession with the idea of Jesse being a femme fetale. So it kind of manifested into this. Enjoy, it's gonna be sad, destructive and saucy.

Just one foot in front of the other, it should have been as simple as that. It didn’t take much thought to walk, Walt had learned this a long time ago, not that anyone really remembers those first few steps.  In his dreams he walked, his eyes directed at the ground.

Plain white concrete, the concrete he’d often look at when on his way to his mundane job. His waste of time class, full of idiotic students, he’d get more of a response out of talking to the wall.

And like the start of every other day he still went on, grumbling to himself, a sinking nauseous feeling at the pit of his stomach. Just dreading how the days stretched, how he’d find himself staring at his watch hoping for a fire alarm to go off just so he could get some air.

Not that being outside was any better though. His wife had left him once he left the job, his new sense of freedom was cut short fast.

Then Skyler was still barefoot pregnant,she  said something along the lines that if she needed dead weight she might as well married a dead man.

If she only knew.

Walt was dead, he felt long dead, his limbs hanging limp whenever he’d make his way to the refrigerator in the small dilapidated hotel room he now inhabited. A zombie, rigor mortis setting in.

One foot in front of the other.

That’s right, he heard his mother’s soothing voice.

His final destination offered him some relief, a cool refreshing beer to his lips after he discarded the bottlecap somewhere. It fell on the floor, with utmost certainty he’d step on it later with his bare feet, curse with a fiery anger, but at the moment he wasn’t concerned with the future. Drinking every night to escape the worry, escaping those thoughts that flooded his head, thoughts that begged the question...how the hell was he going to pay the rent? What of that unborn child? What of Junior? What of Skyler?

Did they even exist anymore? Did they cease to exist once they forgot him as well?

Deep thoughts weren’t his sort of thing, so he did the one thing he knew to do. Drown them. Drown them all away.  

Listlessly he found himself on his ratty couch in front of the television, legs spread open, not entirely knowing how exactly he got there in the first place. How the hell did he get to point A to point B?

Walt reclined his head back, his mouth hanging open as he surfed channel to channel. Nothing really held his attention but for whatever reason pay-per-view seemed inviting. In the enveloping darkness there was only him and the television, playing some faint memory of something he remembered from long ago. It was fuzzy 2-dimensional version of it, devoid of all the love but nonetheless it was mentally stimulating. A welcome distraction, more like. He now found himself detaching from the memory, he was no one, he was nothing, he had left his body. There was no connection to his hand moving upwards and downwards, mirroring the rhythm of whatever he saw on the bright screen. This was better, he forgot about how much he hated his physique, how much he hated himself. All that was left was the fantasy of the movie, perfect people, perfect technique, masterfully executed, reaching that final result that left him shutting his eyes, repressing the exhalation of air that wanted to come out of his mouth.

No one ever talked about the down after the high, no one addressed that in the movie. The actors just faking some sort of life-altering relaxation after they finished. Walt made a disgusted noise when he grabbed a tissue and wiped his cum off on the kleenex, looking down at his stomach as it rose and fell

Reality was such a downer. So revolting.

He drank even more after that, so much that he wound up passing out, the alarm on his watch eventually startling him out of his sleep.  In a panic he nearly fell out of his chair, grabbing a pair of pants off of the foot of his bed, putting them on, slipping into his shoes and running out the door.  

It was 7:00 am on a monday. The sun was out, and it kept getting in his eyes as he drove his car down the street, his palms sweating. He had gotten into the habit of biting his chapped lips, probably a result of his resurfacing anxiety, blood trickling into his mouth once he parked a safe distance away from his old house. Skyler appeared, kissing Junior on the forehead, then wiping off any lipstick residue. He cringed but he half smiled, pretending like he didn’t appreciate it--hell he’s a teenager. God forbid he love his mother.

That thought aside, Skyler looked like a beam of sunlight, brushing her blonde hair behind her ear. She had been wearing loose shirts and it didn’t seem be something she’d grow out of after having the baby.  How long had it been again?

A long time, Walt guessed. He didn’t keep track of things, he tried not to at least, he always seemed to get tangled up in numbers, it’d probably drive him even crazier. Okay he wasn’t crazy, he had a firm grasp on his sanity, he just didn’t know what made him fall into the routine of watching his family from so far away.  Some sick part of him wished that they were miserable but in all honesty it didn’t look that way.  

Suddenly his breaths grew shallow, with no warning tears began to stream down his eyes. Using his puke stained shirt, he wiped them off trying to get a hold of himself. While he closed his eyes he must have missed seeing Junior get on the bus, Skyler was at the end of the driveway picking up the newspaper, holding her robe tight. Emerging outside was Ted Beneke, holding Walt’s child, bouncing her in his arms.

God, it stung. It wasn’t surprising, but him holding her, him being the man of the house made the wound feel as about as  fresh as ever. Maybe he should have stepped up, maybe he should have fought for custody? But what would he even bring her home to? Nothing.

Skyler was giving Ted those eyes, eyes that Walter felt were only reserved for him but god knows the intensity faded with each failure of his.  It was as clear as day just how missed he was.

He was a hollow shell of a man, whatever disease going on in his head clearly winning the battle.  

Startling him there was a knock on his car window, a cop looking straight in. He motioned for him to lower the window and Walt did slowly.  

“How many times has it been already,” the cop lectured.

Walt let out a groan, covering his eyes, “Look...it’s not what you think.”

“Really? It looks like you’re outside your ex-wife’s house. It looks a lot like you’re stalking her.”

“Stalking? Really? That was my home,” hissed Walt, the pungent odor of alcohol immediately filling the cop’s nostrils.

“I’m going to have to take you in.”

“I’m not breaking any laws!”

“Judging by the smell on your breath, I’d say you’ve broken a few already. Now get out of the car.”

“No I will not!”

The rest from that point on was a blur, all he could remember is screaming at the top of his lungs, nearly falling out of the car because he forgot he lost his use of his legs somewhere after his last swig from a flask.

Skyler looked straight at him, immediately shielding her face with the palm of her hand. It was so life shattering that he had to be caught again, that he had to make a scene again. All his neighbors, all the ones he’d make stupid small talk with before were just there staring in awe. It should have deterred him but it still didn’t, his stomach twisting and turning into a knot until he could barely breathe anymore. Kicking and squirming underneath the cop’s weight he slipped, slamming his head onto the hood of the car blacking out completely.

“You are so lucky, buddy, so lucky. I got you out of one hell of a shit situation. I should probably take you to a hospital or something. I didn’t even think about that but I see you’re conscious so you’re okay right? You’re totally okay.”

Shielding his eyes from the sun Walt returned back from the dark place he had just been. His head felt sore for a number of reasons, the main one being the huge bruise that was on his forehead.  It didn’t take long for him to realize he wasn’t in the back of a cop car but instead he was riding with Hank.

“Marie will kill me if she knows...I mean it’s pretty obvious...”

“What? What are you even talking about?”

“I might be overstepping my bounds. Fuck. Of course I am. I said nothing.”

“How many times has it been already, shit.”

“Three...maybe four. I don’t know. At least this time you had your pants on. Anyway, all I know is you need to move on. I won’t be here forever to pull you out scot-free  Skyler is thinking of a restraining order, she is tired of your crap, Walter. Frankly I’m getting a little sick of it too.And I mean you know what they say...there’s plenty of fish yadda yadda.”

“You talk about it like it’s so easy.”

“C’mon, when you two were married you never had the slightest thought of a little hanky-panky on the side?”

“Hanky-what? Christ, no. She was my life.”

“Okay maybe I made the wrong point. What I mean...is...she’s moved on already. Ted is a good guy, it’s not like your family is left in bad hands. Why can’t you...at least try...distancing yourself? Maybe you should go on vacation? Go somewhere, scope out the gals? Make a life for yourself?”

“With what money Hank,” Walt grunted out, wiping the spittle off the corner of his mouth. “I have hardly anything to my name.”

“I thought about that, man. Thought about it long and hard and I swear to god don’t make me regret this,” Hank swallowed his spit, then took a deep breath. “Look in the glove compartment.”

“No no no,” Walt rambled as he opened it and saw an unsealed envelope with cash sticking out of it, “No you shouldn’t. Hank.”

“Yes. Yes I should. It’s the only way. I pulled out 2,000 dollars from the bank. I know it’s not a lot.”

“It is a lot,” Walt counted the cash, his hands shaking, his lower lip quivering, “I don’t deserve this.”

“Yeah you do, plus this is killing two birds with one stone. Go to Las Vegas, I don’t know, LA...somewhere. You’re absolved of all responsibility,” for whatever reason Hank said it like it was some sort of blessing when it felt like Walt was being expelled from his home, “You should live it up somewhere.”

“Is this your oh so subtle way of saying no one wants me around anymore?”

“Tough love I know but you’re kind of right...at least until you’ve got your shit together. And that’s a big maybe because I can’t speak on behalf of Skyler or Marie.”

“Great. That’s so great to hear,” Walt licked his lips, staring out the window, “Goodbye Albuquerque is it then?”

“Sayonara buckaroo,” Hank smiled reassuringly The idea of a new start wasn’t so bad, especially with enough gas money to get there and stop by at a Denny’s along the way. Awkwardly Hank rubbed Walter’s shoulder but it only served to make it more uncomfortable between the both of them. The fact of the matter was that Walt had nothing left now, nothing to tie him to the ground.  

Okay fine. He could survive like this.

From that point on it was him and the road, nothing else, just the two of them living in silence.

He wouldn’t let his mind stray just as his Pontiac Aztek would stick to the right side of the road, riding cruise control.  It was getting to be increasingly difficult not to grow cold and cynical, his hand recoiling when a waitress’ hand would graze past his when she was refilling his coffee. Maybe she was concerned? Maybe she was interested in him? Maybe she was just as lonely, wanting any kind of contact?

It must have been the latter. Her eyes were a dead giveaway, the light behind them dimmed, her lips pursed into a straight line.  For a moment her face grew less tense, there was a pleading look in her eye. Was it pity that made her hold the eye contact this long?

Whatever it was, Walt didn’t waste a second further on it, breaking the connection and muttering a soft thank you under his breath.

Route 66 seemed like a good enough road to go along. It was rich in history, it was a landmark in American culture. Songs were written about it, travel journalists reported about it, he just couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

It felt misleading. Mile after mile the most interesting thing he could find in those long stretches of desert were roadkill. Something that was once alive, void of that light that’d make it move, crushed underneath the grooves of the tires of someone who couldn’t give the slightest fuck. All he could see was a carcass of what was or what never will be. He couldn’t quite make up his mind about that yet.  

In a hotel room things appeared to go back to normal, returning to the same old routine he’d partake in. Turning on the tv, drinking a beer...pay-per-view.

Why not? There was nothing good on.

Right next to him he could hear the rocking of the bed, a couple’s muffled moaning.

When would it stop?

They were a sweet enough looking couple, they checked in right before he had.  The way they’d look each other in the eye, a sly smile only reserved for the both of them reminded him of better days. Any remaining hope had gone out, he didn’t think he’d ever experience it ever again, he was just an observer looking in.  

Now was a good enough time to forget,

In the past Walter wouldn’t have said he was that into pornography. It's just he had needs and he wasn't about to accomplish them just by jerking off alone in a dark room. Lately he’d just order whatever, each time being pleasantly surprised that it was just as good as whatever he had seen before..despite the acting being unconvincing sometimes.  This was all a little new to him, he wasn’t that familiar with the terms they’d use either.

What on earth are twinks? Much less twinks riding bareback.

Whatever, Walt was just drunk enough to order it.

“Shit,” muttered the old man, shifting uncomfortably on the edge of his bed. It didn’t take long to see who the target audience was. Young guys...extremely young guys...kissing other...men...older men.  Walt found himself getting a little flustered but his eyes couldn’t seem to leave the screen. Possibly he hadn’t given it much thought before...about the scenario.  It was different, but it wasn’t necessarily bad.

The much bigger brown haired man running his hands up against the ribcage of the smaller blonde one. Christ, the blonde one had such sultry blue eyes...Walter could feel his heart beat hard in his chest, his mouth parting in awe. Rosy cheeks, long lashes, the most perfect lips in the universe, Walt wished he could be the one to kiss them. Quickly he started to undo his belt just as the two actors started to do the same,and then suddenly something clicked.

Hold on.

Walter swore he recognized the blonde, and maybe he would have noticed earlier if the camera man wasn’t so focused on zoom ins on certain parts of their anatomy.

“Jesse Pinkman”, he hissed under his breath, “Jesse fucking Pinkman.”

Guilt immediately consumed him, he covered his eyes with both palms, grinding his teeth together. He could hear him moaning and groaning, it didn’t sound any different than when he’d whine after being picked out of class for his misbehavior. What a terrible, horrible, idiotic student, Walter had the entire experience burned into his mind but strangely this  memory stirred something in him.

Just what was this kid doing with his life if he was resorting to this as his chosen profession?

_Ohhh oh yeah. Right there. Yeah I’m yours’. Fuck yeah. Right there. Shit yeah. Fuck me, YES!_

Jesse's pleas escalated louder and louder.

“God damnit!"

Walt immediately switched off the television and threw the remote against the wall.

And that’s what it took for the moans from the couple the next room over to finally stop.


	2. Order Amongst the Disorder

“C’mon it’s real easy, you have got to relax,” Jesse pulled a robe on while the rest of the crew stood to the side discussing their lunch plans. “Just don’t think about the cameras on you, do what they told you to do, follow their instructions. _Kinda_...just don’t think. Don’t think like--at all.”

Jesse had been a part of the business for quite a while, he didn’t keep tabs on just how long or how many scenes he had filmed already.  Gradually he was making his way from having bits here and there to having a steady pay, actually it was pretty great, better than he had ever imagined. The fact was that he was good at this, he was actually good at _something_. Also it was somewhat enjoyable although he’d never admit to it but down to it, it was still a job.  For once he liked having an understudy and Marco was perfect in every sense of the word, he also reminded him of when he had first started.

The uncertainty...

His muscles tense….his body stiff.

His eyes kept on meeting with the camera, it only served to make the two of them uneasy and the director beet red with annoyance.

“Shit for you it’s easy. It’s all new for me. I just feel bad...it’s just take after take after take,” the other actor sighed out, looking clearly frustrated.

“Yeah, well Marco...just watch out for you-know-who, if he shows up on set or even catches wind that--”

“That what?”

“That you’re wasting his time. That you’re wasting his money.”

“You’re sounding just like him. You keep on saying things he’d say. Are you two? I mean I’m not judging or anything…” Marco’s voice softened near the end. It wasn’t that far from the realm of possibility.

“It’s not like that. He pulled me out of scum and shit,” huffed Jesse, digging for a pack of cigarettes from his duffel bag near his chair.

“I was just kidding and yeah. Maybe I’ll have a toke or two in the back just to relax, you wanna come with?”

“I’ll pass,” Jesse’s eyes immediately locking with sultry eyes from across the room. The raven haired beauty stood at the doorway, her shoulder resting against the frame. Like a puppy greeting his owner, Jesse approached her, his baby blues bright only for her. “Jane...I didn’t think you were gonna--”

“I finished early, thought maybe we could go somewhere,” she widely smiled, overlooking his neon yellow robe, stifling her laughter, “You look like a rubber duckie.”

“Shut up. We’re not done yet, we’re behind schedule...you know-- it’s a new guy.”

“His dick not getting hard for you,” she choked out, Jesse immediately shooting a glare in her direction. “I’ll stop. I’m sad...I wanted more time.”

“Me too,” Jesse warmly smiled, then leaned in for a kiss, their fingers intertwining when the gap was closed between them. His gaze was drawn to her crimson colored lips, he never did mind the lipstick smudges she’d leave all over his mouth, all over his body. “Don’t ever stop being so awesome, kay?”

“Don’t dream of it. I’ll stay rad Brad. Tonight I’m going out with the girls so I guess you’re flying solo.”

“Really? What’s the point of sleeping in my bed when you’re not in it?”

“Cool it with the sap. Why don’t you bring one of your co-workers,” she winked, “I wouldn’t mind sharing you both in the morning.”

Jesse dropped his head and nervously grinned, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah. Well we’ll see.”

When work was over Jesse found himself at a full bar sitting on a stool, ordering some drinks for him and close friend of his. He was an older man, not old in a way that he’d find himself sharing a scene with him, but he was more of a father figure than anything. The man was brimming with years upon years of advice. In the past he was a big star in the good old days, the days when porn first began to boom in the 70s.  

Mike “the stud” James was what they called him, but Jesse was just fine with calling him Mike. Anyway, his real last name was quite a mouth full, no pun intended.

“Hey uh--” a woman crept over real close to Jesse, her lips nearly brushing against his ear. Whether or not it was intentional was best left to interpretation, she looked pretty wasted, using his shoulder to prop herself up.

“No,” Jesse stated bluntly giving her a harsh glare, clearly disgusted that she would even have the gull. “It’s always the same shit with you people. You see someone alone at the bar and you think they’re like-- not in a relationship or someshit. Well FYI I am in one okay.”

“Fucking...christ...okay...jesus,” she grunted, finding her way to another empty stool.

“I come here to see how the drinks are going and I see you acting like a piece of shit,” Mike added in with a disappointed look on his face that immediately knocked Jesse off his pedestal. His drooping deadpan eyes could frighten any man.

“I’m just frustrated.”

“Doesn’t mean you gotta start taking it out on lonely young women. What kind of man would that make you, huh?”

“C’mon. You don’t see it? Cause I see it.”

“See what exactly?”

“I’m just a dick to them.”

“A dick? Yeah you are. Grade A dick, and not whatever you’ve got in your trousers. Get off your high horse and get back to reality kid. Why the sour mood? Is it her?”

“Her who,” Jesse groaned.

“Black hair, skin like a ghost. You’re wasting your time.”

“You never liked Jane. You never like anyone I date.”

“Because you deserve better kid. Because if she’s ready to commit, she would have said so right now. You got to take initiative and figure things out for yourself. Have the talk.”

“Shit… the _talk_? “

“It’s not that complicated, you’re the one beating around the bush.”

Jesse grew silent, his gaze looking far off into nothing.

“C’mon now, I’m not a bullshitter here,” Mike continued, roughly rubbing Jesse’s shoulder, “But hey who am I to judge?”

“No you’re right. You get me more than I do,” sighed Jesse, “I don’t think I’ve got the balls to do it. What if she says no? ”

“Well your life sure as hell ain’t over. You’ll still have a job to go to. You’ll still be making big bucks.”

“It doesn’t sound worth it. This is going to sound like real pussy shit...but she is my life.”

“That ain't healthy, kid. Can’t put all your eggs in one basket is all I’m saying.”

“Well it’s how it is.”

Mike shrugged, then adjusted his blazer, “I gotta go. Just promise me you’ll stay in one piece?”

And like that he was off, Jesse felt an odd sense of comfort just being around him. He was just that sort of guy who gave off a warm vibe, one that made him feel like a child clinging to his father’s leg. In Jesse’s case he never really had that sort of stability, Mike felt like the closest thing to the stuff he'd always see in tv.

They had their silences, their awkward farewells, but honestly Jesse missed him already in those moments that passed afterwards. He was just sitting alone at a table with a beer in tow as the club began to empty out.

Eventually he found himself in the back alley smoking a cigarette. In his periphery he saw a couple stumbling, he wasn’t sure if it was two men or two women or a man or a woman. Maybe he was just that drunk but it didn’t seem to matter whatever it was. What he saw was what he wanted, their arms around each other, their affection was genuine, like second nature.

He breathed out a cloud of smoke just hoping the image of them together would just disappear.

“Pinkman. Hey. Pinkman?”

A voice called out from behind him.

Jesse’s shoulders dropped, he turned around quick ready to voice his disinterest. It was a man somewhere around his 50s, something was familiar about him but didn’t fret on it very long. “Look. Don’t tell me you’re a fan. I mean if this had been any other day I’d play along for a bit.”

“It’s me,” the man frowned, his voice stern and annoyed, “I thought you were dead.”

It took a while for his features to ring a bell, Jesse’s mouth nearly fell open, “Mr….Mr. White you uh-- you look.”

“Yes it’s me.”

“You look really bad. Wow.”

Walter looked like a walking corpse those days. His hair was a mess, he didn’t bother brushing it anymore, he had a five o’clock shadow that really brought out his jaw, his clothes were old and tattered looking but what differentiated him from the rest of the tattered looking folk was that there was still some order amongst the disorder.  

“Thank you. Because that’s the way you greet someone,” Walt gestured with his hands angrily.

“How did you?”

“It was easier to find you than I thought. I really did think--” the older man’s voice faltered, “they never really said…”

“My parents carried on like it was nothing,” scowled Jesse, dropping his cigarette and crushing it under his charcoal colored nikes. “I didn’t think I was worth finding. They did though...they did find me, but they did everything in their power to pretend like they didn’t. I mean who’d want me?”

“Kids your age go missing all the time. They disappear completely, statistically it’s rare you know...for you to make it out in one piece.. I hope you can understand my surprise.”

“Don’t suddenly start acting like you cared. What the hell brings you over here? How the hell did you find me?”

“Your agent. He isn’t a good one. I just did enough research to find him, and so on, he gave you away quickly.”

“You mean. You know,” Jesse’s heart sank. “You know about? Gross. You haven’t seen…”

“What? Me? No,” Walter lied through his teeth, he stared at Jesse differently for whatever reason. He certainly wasn’t the shrimp he remembered him being back when he was sitting in the back row in his class, interrupting, drawing crude pictures, getting bad grades. Christ the kid was just crying out for attention, but Walt only offered him tough love, and to that day he still somewhat blamed himself for his disappearance although there were other contributing factors. 

“It’s bullshit that it’s me that’s brought you to LA. This isn’t the sort of place squares like to go.”

“Well where do you suggest a person who has nowhere to go, _to_ go?”

With new eyes, Jesse watched Mr. White scanning the Denny’s menu.  He placed it down and wrapped his hands around the mug of coffee that was at his side, his hands looking more aged than Jesse could remember them.  The skin stretching thin, his veins even more pronounced.

How many years had passed since then?

Jesse had lost track of time since all he was trying to do up til then was forget.

“So are you like a hobo now,” awkwardly Jesse attempted to break the silence.

Walter cocked his eyebrow and sighed, “I’m a little more of a nomad. I pack light, I live in motel rooms. It’s romantic, flickering neon lights, the open road. I don’t know what else to say.”

“Shit. That sounds deep...like you’re some wandering samurai. It’d probably be ten times cooler if it were someone else other than you…”

“You look like you’re doing well for yourself,” Walter said venomously.

“I am.”

“I didn’t think you went that way. Especially not by the way you were always leaning over girls in the halls. Just shows how much I know.”

“Shut up. I get mad dough okay. And it’s totally legit. I’m gay-for-pay, so I don’t like...I don’t _like_ doing it.”

“Well you gave a convincing performance.”

“I thought you said you didn’t watch anything I did.”

Before there could be a response, the waitress approached their table wide eyed and bushy tailed. Walter immediately cut off Jesse, shoving the menu at her, “Yes I think I’ll take the grand slam.” 


	3. Will-o'-the-wisp

“I like to think the palm trees led me here. The ocean, I love the ocean. It had a different feel entirely. I keep on thinking I can actually make it here,” Jesse leaned against a brick wall, watching from a safe distance the people walking to and from, leaning on shoulders, wobbly legs, speaking nonsense. He had been there and back but he was feeling very conscious, knocking back malt liquor then handing it over to Walter who sat in the filth of god knows what.

 He leaned his head against the wall, reaching his hand up and taking the bottle from him, shaking his head from how absurd it is that they were both still spending time together, “What are you doing here?”

 “I just said,” Jesse dug for a joint at the deepest corner of his trouser pocket, then he lit it, and puffed at it deeply, “You ever do…”

 “Is that marijuana,” Walt said in disbelief.

 “Of course it fucking is. Want some?”

 Walt didn’t think long about it, he snatched it from him, as he stood up, his hand bracing against the uneven texture of the wall that was covered in band posters. He sucked it deeply, then coughed hoarsely as Jesse watched him with a smile.

 “Stick up the ass Mr. White knows how to party huh?”

 “Shit far from it,” Walt tried again, his body relaxing this time, his eyes drooped and he sighed. He needed anything to forget that sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach. “Just so you know, this isn’t me at my lowest, I’ve gone even lower.”

 “Why would I even care?”

 “Well you do porn. How do you get up in the morning,” Walter didn’t mean to sound insulting but he came across that way with how he said it so bluntly.  “People see you doing those things, degrading things. How can you live with yourself?”

 “I don’t think I need life lessons from you,” Jesse snapped. Of course he heard these same things a million times but the hurt felt intensified, triggering images of his parents; their disappointed faces the day they found him again and wished they hadn’t. He choked back his emotion, staring straight into Walt’s expressionless face, “You’re a stupid old man who probably couldn’t get it up.”

 “You’re right,” laughed Walt, taking another drink out of the bottle. “The old man part at least. I understand I overstepped my bounds. I do that a lot.”

 “It’s not dirty. It’s not like prostitution or something. We use condoms, even if it’s bareback we pretend like we’re not, kind of roll them down so you can’t see them, I don’t raise my hips up as much if I’m riding the dude.”

 “Hush we don’t need to speak of your dignified employment, Christ. I just wish you’d get out of it. You can do more with your life.”

 “Really,” hissed Jesse.

 “Yes really!”

 “This coming from the teacher who was about to flunk me! Figures, man. People pretend they’re not shitheads the second they think the kid is dead.” Walking away from him briskly, he realized Walter was still following him, his mouth held tightly together as if he was reading to explode. They both found each other in an isolated area, all the bars were closed, no one around to hear them.  

 “Jesse. C’mon. Jesse.”

 “Don’t follow me, man. You’re just like the rest of them. The second my aunt dropped dead, I knew there was nothing for me there in that dusty shithole. Don’t waste a single minute convincing me you tried to look for me, you didn’t even care.”

 The look on Walter’s face said a different story, it took Jesse a while to even notice it. He appeared to be uncomfortable, words forming in his mouth, he just wasn’t sure how to say it, say anything. He didn’t know how to say he was out there posting up posters with Jesse’s stupid mug on them, worried sick about the idiot, recounting every moment they shared together, wondering if he should have seen the signs. Wondering if he could have done something different. Jesse was special, without a doubt. Although he was trouble, he was the first person he had seen a long time who had something going on behind his eyes. He didn’t come across as listless as livestock chewing cud in the middle of a pasture, certainly not like all the other students. Whenever Walt would do an experiment in front of the class, it was only his eyes that exploded with childlike wonder. Walter held onto that expression, stored it in the back of his head and he never really let it go.

 “I know I was harsh, I was just looking out for you,” growled Walt, “I didn’t think you’d just up and leave. Sorry I thought you could handle it and actually better yourself.”

 “You don’t get shit. You couldn’t even begin to cause you’re so obsessed with the straight and  narrow. Buy a house, marry a chick, have kids, that is boring as hell.”

 “It isn’t. I’d do anything to get them back, to get that life back.”

 “What,” Jesse’s eyes grew wide, seeing Walt’s face turn from rough and stony to something more frail and pitiful.  For whatever reason Jesse thought Walt had just left, that he was a victim of the same old tale of a middle aged man throwing it all out the window because of some uncertainty that lingered in his rickety old bones.

 Then suddenly out of of the corner of his eye he saw two big men approaching them, one was white with the sleeves cut off from his AC/DC shirt and the other must have been hispanic, wearing a red beat up flannel shirt and a bandana. Jesse didn’t have much time to react, one of them immediately went for Walt, pulling him by his collar, knocking him off his feet. The other man went straight for him with a fist against his gut. Jesse watched on in horror, his instinct was to run but instead he plead for them to stop, “What the fuck. Leave him alone! What did he do?”

 Walter struggled when when one of the men climbed on top of him, roughing him up with punch after punch. The other guy pulled out a gun, pointing it at Jesse, “You stop right there. Not a single movement unless you want me to blow out your brains.”

 Jesse raised his hands, his eyes moved back towards to Walt, who was still kicking and screaming, his palm up against the stronger man’s face. “S-stop what did I,” Walter blubbered, blood dripping out of his mouth, his face swollen and bruised.  Strength had won the battle, the man’s much stronger hands, were wrapped around his neck.

 The man holding the gun appeared to have his doubts, as if the lightbulb of his head had turned on, “S-shit hey. Dude. Is he even?”

 “The fuck are you on about,” the man on top of Walter grunted just as Walt’s grip loosened, the fight in him gradually dissipating.

 Right as the two men were distracted, Jesse came up behind the one with a gun and hit him on the head with the bottle, shards of glass embedded in the side of his face.  He let out a scream, lunging after Jesse.

 “No don’t touch him. He said we can’t touch him. Ramirez no,” said the other man.

 Jesse fell to the ground almost immediately, that hispanic one had his face wound dripping blood everywhere, his eyes filled with blind rage.  He grasped at the gun that had fallen beside them, the barrel being shoved right in Jesse’s mouth. His teeth being crushed against the metal.  Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Jesse had grabbed a piece of glass and stabbed it straight into the man’s neck, slicing through one of his arteries. The man fell to his side, his hands desperately trying to get the bleeding to stop.  Jesse immediately felt his heart rushing as his body shook from the shock.

Blood was everywhere. _Everywhere._

 He tried to sit up, but kept on sliding from the red fluid pooling underneath him, his hand wounded from the glass as well.

 Eventually Jesse was able to get onto his feet nearly skidding as he rushed over to Walt’s side.

 There he was, curled up underneath a flickering light as a ‘99 green ford mustang sped off. Thankfully he was still alive, letting out choked out groans as attempted to get up.  It looked like he still couldn’t, he was in terribly bad shape.  

 “Yo. Mr. White. Mr White,” he shook him, “Are you okay?”

 “Take me home,” Walt muttered staring straight at Jesse with his bloodshot eyes.  Smelling of blood, alcohol, weed and sweat, they made their way down the sidewalk, Walt’s arm around Jesse’s shoulder, the two of them wounded, trying to find the strength to get to that destination, although neither knew just where home is.

 --------------------

 “When I said bring someone over, I didn’t think it’d be someone like him,” Jane put her hands on her hips, overlooking the man that slumbered on Jesse’s leather couch. “Shouldn’t you have taken him to a hospital?”

 “It was just a bad barfight, just chill. It wasn’t anything. I just had his back. So are we gonna?”

 “In this room, with him?”

 Jesse looked serious so Jane just shrugged it off, brushing her hair aside, pouring the white powdery substance onto Jesse’s coffee table from a small ziploc bag.  This was the part she liked, it was almost like foreplay, she loved the feeling of pulling out her credit card, that was --by the way-- loaded with money, then using it to sort the cocaine out into six perfect lines. She eyed it like it was a fucking masterpiece, meanwhile Jesse was on his knees to the side of her, licking his lips, rocking back and forth anxiously.  

 After doing two lines Jane felt like she had done enough, she nuzzled her nose up against Jesse’s neck but he was adrift somewhere else. His teeth rattled, and his hands were tense, his foot tapping against her boot.  “Baby you okay,” she cooed, kissing him right behind his ear. “I love you.”

 Upon hearing those words, Jesse rubbed up against her’s, their eyes meeting.  They kissed deeply, his hands running through her hair, “One more line before you go.” Jesse knew she had to go to work already, he just didn’t want her to.

 “Yeah.”  She did it first, shaking her head side to side, rubbing her nose as she blinked her eyes repeatedly. “Shit. Fuck,” she cursed. This seemed to rouse Walt out of his sleep, he let out a groan, rubbing his eyes.  

 Jesse was already doing his line and finished it off before acknowledging him, “Yo Mr. White. You uh-uh you okay?”

 “What are you doing? Who is she?”

 “I’m Jane,” she eyed him with renewed interest, he wasn’t all that bad looking if it hadn’t been for all the bruises on his face. “Jane Magnolia.”

 “Your face looks less puffy,” Jesse rubbed his nose but Walt was staring with a concerned expression.  There was no way of escaping the guilt Jesse felt now.

 “C-can she get out of here,” Walter spat out, clearly disgusted by what he had just seen.

 “Woah. I was headed out anyway,” she tightened her trenchcoat, Jesse standing alongside her, then walking her out the door. “Teach your friend manners,” she smiled at Jesse, he smiled back weakly.  She caught on quickly something was wrong, and rested her hand against his cheek, her forehead pressed against his. “Let me in Jesse. It's like the most simple request a person I have. Next time I see you, please tell me what’s wrong.”

 “Yeah, well, I’m shitting rainbows. I’m good. I’m good.”

 He was far from good. Behind him he could hear Walt sitting up in the couch, he could almost feel how dead serious the air around him became. His high was short lived but had already been that way for a while, three lines wasn’t enough, nothing was enough.  

 “What happened,” the older man had his head in his palms, suppressing the pain that ached and throbbed.  “...last night. Tell me I didn’t have the shit beat out of me. Tell me I didn’t witness you kill a man. Tell me I didn’t just see you snorting cocaine!”

 “I was trying to save your ass. I was trying to save _our_ asses.”

“Damnit Jesse,” Walt ground his teeth, his eyes glossy and intense, greener than Jesse could ever remember them, “You should have just run away!”


	4. The Catalyst

_Oh come on, another classroom scene?_

Jesse nearly rolled his eyes lamenting the fact he was filming the same old same old. He put on his button up shirt, adjusted his tie and then walked onto the set. There were two other actors, one who was his age, the other who was supposed to be playing the professor.  It was painful hearing him recite his lines, his fake british accent wasn’t that convincing at all.  

“So who is the naughty one, me or him,” the brunette actor spoke to the director, his blue eyes sparkling.

Everyone was charmed immediately.

They were nice eyes, Jesse stared at him with a dopey look on his face.

Okay so this isn’t going to be so bad, the only thing that worried him was that these two other actors were pretty experienced, more so than him.  It didn’t help he had plenty of other things on his mind.

Suddenly everything felt so hot.

He kept on thinking of the night before. He kept on thinking about Walt.  

“Okay so Jesse I’m going to want you to be this whiny little brat, Luke Skywalker it all the way. I don’t want to do my homework, blah blah, ect. Fight it at first but you’ll be the one sucking cock the fiercest by the end.”

“Huh,” Jesse was snapped back to reality when the man playing the teacher nudged him.

“Hey he’s talking to you.”

“Yeah yeah I heard. Okay sucking cock, I’m a bottom...I mean obviously.”

“Well yeah, you’re the one getting gang banged in the end,” laughed the director, “Did you even read the script?”

After filming a few of the scenes, Jesse was underneath the brown haired actor with the blue eyes, Jesse could feel his face getting more and more flushed.  The man was holding him from behind, one hand on his stomach, the other lingering a little too close to the bulge that was forming in Jesse’s pants.

God how did it always get so uncomfortable?

“Well while we’re here,” the actor spoke, “I don’t think I told you but I was kind of pumped about working with you. It’s hardly professional but you’re so...you’re so fucking attractive.” He widely smiled, Jesse shook his head bashfully then cleared his throat.

“Yeah,” he swallowed his spit nervously as he felt the actor nod his head up and down.

“You think? Maybe when we’re not working we could…”

“Naw. Naw. I don’t like to mix business with personal.”

“Really? That’s a shame, I’d want to fuck you some more. It’s not fun to have somebody to tell you what to do. God I’d fuck you so hard.”

Jesse’s breath hitched, his heart beating fast.

“Okay we’re ready, pick up after where you started,” the director signaled for the cameras to start rolling again.

Swiftly Jesse was flipped onto his back, staring up at the actor’s blue eyes, god they were nice, so nice. Jesse was melting, his shirt being pulled off by the two men in the scene, the buttons popping off in a dramatic fashion.  He stared down at his skin being exposed, the younger man pulling out his penis, pumping it with a hungry look on his face.  

Christ he could never get sick of it, he felt himself floating away elsewhere once his pants were discarded somewhere on the floor, the only clothing left on his were his socks and sneakers. The man playing the teacher apparently had gotten undressed as well, Jesse nearly rolled his eyes back once the younger actor pushed his legs up and thrust into him, suddenly, roughly. It was so great.

“Fuck. Fuck yes,” Jesse moaned, then the teacher found the opportunity to push his penis into Jesse’s mouth, which he eagerly sucked on, just as the script asked him to.  Being fucked while sucking dick was something Jesse could rarely admit to loving, it was one of life’s simple pleasures...or at least in this line of prefession. The man playing the teacher letting out grunting noises as he pushed  into his mouth was like music to his ears and Jesse could take most of the length without gagging, his blue eyes glazed over with lust. Everything got a little hazy from there, his mind thinking of Mr. White at this moment.

Why Mr. White of all people?

Was this scenario really as fucked up as it was?

But everyone was watching him.

Everyone in that room.

And it was just the best, he loved every minute of it, he soaked up every bit of encouragement, every bit of attention because this was him at his greatest. He was a star.

\-----------

Rolling onto his side, Walt looked out the clear window pane of Jesse’s sliding door.  There was a pool outside, it must have been one of those real sheek places built around the sixties, practically windows everywhere.  This was definitely an upgrade in comparison to anywhere else he had stayed, shit hotels, whatever, even his old bed in his suburban wonderland couldn’t compare.

There were framed pictures on the nightstand, one was a picture of Jesse and his raven haired _girlfriend-partner-thing_ kissing with the eiffel tower in the distance. They looked like a normal enough couple, how the hell could they carry on like this?

Had Walt bumped into them in a supermarket, he would have mistaken them for a 20-something year old couple with a bright future ahead of them...certainly not the sort snorting cocaine and doing god knows what with ten million or so sex partners.

Him and Skyler never went to Paris though. Maybe Skyler was the more romantic one and he wasn’t, they just didn’t have much time for themselves or maybe he was too busy to make the time.  

It sounded like the front door opened and then shut. The door being locked behind him. Walt saw Jesse from another room taking off his clothes, throwing them onto the carpet, his eyes gazing far off. He looked so thin and pale, Walter admired his physique for a moment, there was something birdlike and beautiful about him.  He just didn’t seem human at all, people carried weight in their bones, walked like they held some burden but Jesse didn’t. This didn’t exactly mean he wasn’t sad, he looked it, he looked like some traveler who got lost along the way, or didn’t know where he was headed. But it was a silent sort of melancholy, one that only Walt could see, a sort of sadness Jesse would go out of his way to hide. The young man turned his back towards Walt’s direction, rubbing his shoulders and yawning and stretching one arm out, sucking in his stomach exposing his ribcage. Licking his lips, Walter felt his mouth fall open a little, his eyebrows raised in interest. Tattoos?

They were idiotic from what Walt could make of them from his distance.

Walking out onto the backyard, Jesse slipped on his flip flops giving Walt a quick look.  Immediately Walter realized just what he was doing, he felt a little embarrassed and paranoid that maybe he had just been caught. Not much could be said of the disconcerting look Jesse had given him but Walt started to read into it more than he should have, his palms beginning to sweat, his heart now racing.

This caused Walt to sit up in the bed and slide open the door leading outside just as Jesse jumped into the pool. He watched Jesse dipping his head underwater then remerging, flipping the blonde hair out of his eyes, then covering his face with his hands.

“I think I’m well enough to go,” Walt said softly, clinging to the plush robe he was wearing.

“Okay.”

“Thanks for…”

Jesse bit on his lower lip, looking conflicted, eventually bringing his eyes up to Walt’s. “You don’t even need to say anything.”

“Alright then.”

“Mr. White, you aren’t in trouble or something?”

“No. I don’t even know what went on over there. Maybe it was karma. I deserved it.”

“C’mon, no one deserves that.”

“You know, I wouldn’t have minded dying right there.”

“You’re crazy, there are plenty of people wishing they had more years to live and here you are wasting them.”

“Strange, the same could be said of you,” Walt turned around, then slouched, his head hanging low, “I took a bottle of oxycodone so I could use for the pain if that’s alright.”

“Whatever. Just as long as you leave that robe behind, it’s my favorite.”

“Yeah yeah.”

“Jane isn’t coming back,” Jesse spoke, just as Walt was going back inside.  

“Who is Jane?”

“You’re such a jerk.”

“No really?”

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Walt’s mouth formed a perfect o. It was hard to decipher whether or not he was playing stupid. “Is it serious?”

“I want to get drunk tonight,” Jesse said seriously, his arms propping himself up against the the side of the pool. “I could either throw a party and pay a shit ton for a bunch of strangers I don’t like, or I could just pay for you.”

“I don’t make for good company, you know that.”

“You have somewhere else you need to be?”

The answer was pretty clear, Walter gave Jesse a knowing look, then cocked his eyebrow, a hint of a melancholy smile appearing on his lips. If he didn’t know any better he’d think murder was the glue that stuck them together.

\------

Both men were leaning against the couch, staring at a television that wasn’t even on. Walt kept on feeling Jesse turn to him, staring at him over and again, to the point it got a little annoying.

“What is it,” groaned Walt, everything barely starting to feel a little hazy. His eyes had been blanked out on his outstretched bare feet. Everyone seemed to be barefooted in California, why not him?

“Your face is l-looking better. Your eye it’s like...less puffy,” Jesse was smoking a joint, squinting his eyes at Walt. “You’re looking less and less like a catcher’s mitt, haha!”

“I remember throbbing pain, I feel better honestly. I can’t feel anything...let me tell you...those pills.”

“When I feel sad…like real sad...I take those...fall asleep, I don’t even dream.”

“You can’t possibly begin to convince me that someone like you gets melancholy.”

“I do, man.”

“You have everything. I saw your garage.”

“Did you go through my shit,” Jesse crookedly grinned, one canine shining through.

“I had to go for a walk. What can I say?”

“Well they’re gifts,” staring down at his hands, Jesse spread out his legs, blowing out smoke away from Walt’s face.

“Gifts? Really...from Jane?”

“You ask too many questions,” joked the younger man.

“Yeah well. What else can we talk about,” Walt stared at his watch, it wasn’t working, the digital numbers were blinking, they didn’t even look like numbers anymore.  He tapped on it with his finger, still nothing.

_Huh. Guess it’s broken._

Walter was startled when he felt Jesse dragging his finger over his forearm, “You said you couldn’t feel anything right? You can’t feel this?”

Of course he fucking could.

If anything the feeling was amplified, so soft and light, so many sensories went off at once, like a domino effect, his heart almost ready to explode. He wasn’t sure why this was the case. Possibly it was because of the drugs, or maybe it had been so long since anyone had touched him and actually intended to do so. There was a playful look on Jesse’s face, one that Walt couldn’t quite read and he was scared that he was just projecting his own loneliness on him.

“Yes I can,” Walt pulled his arm from him, letting out an annoyed grunt.

“I’ve never had sex while dropping E, I’ve always wondered what that must feel like,” Jesse’s voice wandered off. “They say it’s like a million different feelings at once like...it’s just turned up by ten.”

Walter gave him a shocked look, how the hell did they get from point A to point B in this conversation?

“What on earth are you talking about?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just saying things out loud,” curling inwards, Jesse wrapped his arms around his knees, resting his chin on them. “My agent has been stealing money I think. He just took off after that like nothing. I don’t even know how to deal with that...I can’t deal with...combined with...having to kill that man.”

“It was self defense.”

Obviously Mr. White would state it so simply. He wasn’t the one who had to stab a man in the neck, Jesse let it go quickly not uttering another word about it.

“And I don’t know what to say about your agent. My conversation with him was brief,” Walt tried to look at Jesse but it appeared he was elsewhere.  “You’ll get your money back in no time. You’ll probably earn it quickly from the looks of all this...junk you have around.”

“I thought he was my friend.”

“Maybe it’s best he left,” the older man narrowed his eyes, taking a drink out of his beer and placing it on the glass coffee table that was next to him.

“That’s the thing though...everyone here is so…”

“Transparent?”

“What?”

“Yes transparent...you know...you can see straight through them. Not reliable, not genuine…”

“How do you know that?”

“I can see it. Do you think I’m an idiot? Just a few days in I’ve seen what the production line sends out.”

“And what do you think of me,” Jesse sat up straight, looking at Walt with a vulnerable, childlike expression in his eyes.

“Untapped potential.”

“Huh?”

“You want me to tell you the truth? You’re a cash cow, I can see it. There’s much more money to be made,” Walt said smugly.

The night outside was clear of clouds, the moon was full and shining through with it’s dim light through the windows, the sliding door open leading out to the back yard. Crickets chirped loudly as Jesse thought to himself, staring at Walt, soaking in his words.  No one hadn’t ever said that so bluntly, not even... _him_...

  
...the man who introduced him to the industry in the first place.


	5. Foot in the Door

“Are you sure you had to go with me,” Jesse pushed up his raybans over his eyes to shield the sun. His temples throbbed painfully, currently suffering the aftermath of him and Mr. White’s drinking session the day before.

“I don’t know. You insisted I experience a day in the life of…,” Walter gestured wildly with his hands. The two of them sat in a waiting room in an upscale doctor’s office. Jesse lowered his glasses staring at him with a judgemental look in his eyes.

“You really need to do something about that.”

“About what?”

“You look like a hipster hobo, that’s what.”

“What? I don’t think so. I don’t care,” snapped Walter, clearly he was a bit miffed by Jesse’s statement. Now he kept on overlooking his outfit insecurely.  

“I mean you’d fit in with the lumberjack aesthetic in SLC. I’ve been there once, someone took me to Sundance as their plus one.”

“Since when did you use words like aesthetic,” the older man suddenly grinned wildly, “What happened to that kid who’d wear oversized clothes...said yo every ten seconds?”

“I still say yo,” smiled Jesse, turning away abruptly, trying to hide how flushed he got from the fond look Mr. White had given him.  

“And Sundance? Wow. Who is this friend of yours, is it the same person who buys you all these cars.”

“He’s my boss. Well most times he is,” grumbled the younger man, stretching out his legs and letting out a long sigh, his arms crossed behind his head. “Anyway, it’s mandatory we get a check up every month or so, which is why I’m here.”

“That’s smart, makes sense.”

“He likes to be careful, what can I say. It gets annoying sometimes, but he pays the bills...so…”.

“So what after this?”

“I thought we’d eat something, I want you to see a set at some point. I’m not filming a flick for a while, so maybe we’d visit Jane, she’s doing a straight one. A straight-ish one.”

“Ish?”

“There’s some lesbo scenes,” Jesse said with a grin that dissipated just as fast as it came. It wasn’t convincing that he was some piece of shit who’d get off on that sort of thing, there was a sadness somewhere behind that pretend bravado. Walt read him clearly, and picked up a magazine instead of prying any further into this matter that was really none of his business.

“Alright. Something to look forward to then.”

“Jesse Pinkman,” a nurse in pink scrubs opened the door and motioned for him to follow her. Jesse got up and left Walt behind.

This whole time Walter had been trying his hardest to not be judgemental and for some reason he got the feeling Jesse was showing him around because he needed someone’s approval. Anyone’s really.  It was a sad thought honestly, Walt lifted his gaze over the magazine just as the door closed behind Jesse.

\---------

In the shadows, standing by the furthest door Walter fumbled with Jesse’s lighter. He flicked it on and off, Jesse had left it there in the car and he had intended to take it to him since the kid was probably going to need a smoke later. Instead he found it’s flame a welcome distraction from what was going on in the spotlight.

The eye of the storm.

Jesse stood near the crew with his hands on his hips, staring at the horrid scene, his girlfriend having sex with another man.  Walter could only imagine how Jesse was feeling, he looked upset, turning every now and then, shooting vulnerable little hurt glances at Walt over his shoulder.  He had to compose himself, he had to pretend it was okay, like a little steeple, he stood up straight, one of his hands out of his own control had formed into a fist.  Eventually he turned away, and walked towards Walt who had turned his attention back to the flame just to avoid the eye contact before the small talk Jesse was going to painfully force on him.

“See it’s cool. Completely cool. It’s professional and shit,” Jesse tucked his hands into his pockets waiting for some sort of reaction from Walt’s end.

“How the hell does he sustain that erection for so long?”

“Uhm,” for whatever reason Jesse looked uncomfortable with answering that question. Walter shot him a disgruntled look. For god’s sake people were having sex in front of a whole crew, in front of _ them_. “In between takes Jane might like...she might like blow him...or he takes pills or something…it’s good to not you know...come...cause that kills it entirely.”

“Ah so there’s a science to this,” smiled the older man.  

“I’m sorry. This is so stupid. It feels weird...bringing my teacher...I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

“It destroys the fantasy seeing it all played out in front of me. It’s tedious at best, take after take after take. I’m witnessing something that should be spontaneous and erotic as all smoke and mirrors. It’s so organized, so coordinated.”

“Well you’re the target audience. It’s all for you,” Jesse grinned, “Well we have two target audiences, young guys and old dudes.”

“I can guess which one I am,” sighed out Walt, as he looked over at Jane. She was so young and beautiful, she had perfect flawless skin, it was so milky pale. That contrast served to make her full red lips pop. Her long legs went on forever, Walt’s eyes traveling along them just as she propped her full bottom in the air, waving it side to side.  Her wet mouth was wrapped around some muscular, tan man’s penis, her head rhythmically moving as her intense eyes looked up at his, the camera was rested on his shoulder, really getting that money shot that hundreds of thousands of people would later orgasm to. It was disillusioning when thinking just of the statistics, this world Jesse had immersed himself in was much bigger than he had previously thought.

Walt was a little enthralled with all the possibilities. He could see the money in all of this. In the midst of these thoughts, he noticed Jesse had pulled out a cigarette and was frantically searching his pockets for a lighter. Immediately Walt lit Jesse’s cigarette and handed him the silver lighter. “You left it behind, thought you’d need it.”

Jesse’s bright blues grew lighter as he looked at Walt, then they moved back away to the cool grey wall that the older man was leaning against. “Hey...uh...thanks. So what do you uh...what do you think?”

“Does it really matter what I think? You look like you’re doing just fine, outside of the recreational drug use.”

“Yeah?” there was an almost sultry look in Jesse’s eye as he blew out smoke, Walter felt caught in the gaze for a moment. It wasn’t right though, it didn’t feel moral. He kept on thinking of the kid he once knew over and over, it kept him at bay. “So I’m not a complete fuck up?”

“Hardly,” Walt nervously laughed, almost feeling cornered as blood started to travel to his face. “Maybe a little.” He couldn’t help himself, this was him flirting back a little. The more logical part of his head was telling him this must be the way Jesse was accustomed to treating older males. That whole gay-for-pay excuse was something he still couldn’t buy, Jesse had to have found a way to make it to the top. Flirting must have been like second nature to him, and boy was it effective, his soft baby blues burned a hole straight through his frosty heart. Walter quickly brushed it under the rug, pushing any hopeful  thoughts aside.

No one could ever be interested in him.

People could just sense the desperation off of him. It didn’t take long for Walt to realize that he was the least good looking person there. Old, ugly, out of shape, suddenly he just wanted to leave but as the thought hit his head he was startled to see Jane within his eyesight.  

“Hey you,” she embraced Jesse, then looked at Walter, extending out her hand when their eyes met, “You’re my boyfriend’s boyfriend right?”

Walt hesitantly shook her hand, his eyes briefly lingered on an exposed breast. Apparently her robe wasn’t tied correctly, not that it looked like she cared.  

“No. Jane? What,” Jesse protested, “He’s Mr. White. I haven’t really explained everything.”

“It’s Walter,” both him and Jane were still tensely shaking hands. He could feel her eyes scanning him, assessing him.  

“Hello Walter, what brings you to San Fernando Valley? You want in on the biz? You’d fit in with that leather daddy shit. Straight or gay? Or both?”

“What? No. Certainly not interested.”

“You’re pretty handsome for your age. I mean, nothing a little makeover can’t fix. So how big is it?”

“How big is what,” for some reason it hadn’t entirely registered in Walt’s head just what she was asking about. No doubt when he would later reflect on this moment, he’d grow embarrassed.

“Jane,” Jesse interrupted, his eyes round and wide.

“After this we’re going out,” insisted Jane, “Looks like we’re gonna start shooting again. God it never ends. People say I’ve got the best job and I guess I do, but fucking for two hours...it is exhausting. No one has that libido...except for maybe Sting...I guess” She lowered her head and sighed.  

\---------------

In a dim lit place the three of them sat in the middle of a busy restaurant. The other half of the establishment seemed to be like a night club, people standing at the bar ordering drinks. Walter could feel his mouth salivating a bit, he was well aware that he was starting to have an addiction to the stuff so when the waiter came round, he asked for a water instead.  Jane was knocking back shots and hissing and making all sorts of pained noises, meanwhile Jesse watched her fondly.

He couldn’t help feeling a little jealous seeing the way the two seemed to be so in love.  Jane was the one calling all the shots, she was the one who would walk around with a leather jacket, her arm around Jesse’s shoulder. The way she’d touch him, she was so dominant, possessive, like a python wrapping itself around it’s victim, venom was coursing Walter’s veins and he wasn’t sure why.  It could have been the nostalgia, wishing to be lost in that same moment, the moment that was long gone.

“Are you staying at Jesse’s place? It’s nice right? I wish I could afford a place like that,” said Jane as she bit into a piece of thin crust pizza.

“I’m staying at a motel right now.”

“Oh,” the brunette stared at Walt and Jesse inquisitively, still trying to figure out the nature of their relationship, “So it was some bar fight you got into?”

“Yeah. Something like that. I looked at another man the wrong way and you know how that goes.”

“Like in some wild west movie? Who lost? It looks like it was you.”

“I was under the influence, I fell down and bruised myself,” Walter sounded defensive, Jesse was afraid he’d say the truth but it was one lie after the other. It was to be expected, he didn’t necessarily want to tell her either. “Jesse pulled me out from the scuffle.”

“Yeah. You know how it is, I can barely remember anything it was hazy,” cut in Jesse, Jane caught on fast that there was some shared secret between the two of them. She just didn’t know what.

“I see,” she knocked back another shot and motioned for one of the waiters to bring her another.

After dinner they caught a cab, Walter awkwardly sitting next to the couple who got caught up in a make out session that started off innocent enough.  He looked off into the darkness as he could hear the heavy breathing and clicking of their lips, shared saliva, tongues sliding over and around one another.  Above his head was the clear night, one palm tree after the other stretching long and high, towering over them.  

“Wait...wait until home,” Jesse said, trying to catch his breath. He looked over at Walt, then back at Jane, who gave him a mischievous look. She moved away from him and nuzzled her lips in Walt’s neck, her hand moving up his thigh. Walt let out a gasp, both him and Jesse had a shared look of panic and he grabbed her hand, guiding it away.

“I’m flattered really,” Walt gasped out. “I’ll be out of your hair soon enough. You don’t need to include me in your...uh- activities.”

“Well I don’t want you alone in that hotel room,” pouted Jane, her eyes hazy, “You’re at least coming with us. Is that fine Jesse?”

“Uh...um...yeah,” of course Jesse wouldn’t say no, but he seemed disappointed Walt was coming along. His plan had been that him and Jane start their love making session that would move from the living room, the kitchen then meet it’s climactic end in the bedroom. They couldn’t have that now with Walt sleeping in the couch. There was a hurt look on the older man’s face, like he felt dead, unwelcomed, Jesse didn’t mean to send that message across.

Jane left the bedroom door opened up a crack like it was still some open invitation. Moodily, Walt stood up and walked to the kitchen, he could hear their faint moans, some movement of the bed. He shut his eyes, tears forming at the corner.

He thought of him and Skyler.

He had been thinking about what they had and how far away he felt from her, from that life. Grabbing a beer he guzzled it down staring at that open door, the light coming from the room was beckoning him.  

He was just so lonely.

But it was so low, so depraved. Just considering it he felt filthy, a man with his morals just floating away with each passing day.

He opened another beer and drank that one, his arms resting against the island.  Then a third. Then a fourth. Now he needed to pee, so he made his way to the bathroom, he passed the bedroom, his eyes being pulled in that direction.  He could hear a throaty moan that must have been Jane’s, and the squeak of that rocking bed.  Eventually Walter pissed in the bathroom, his stream nearly missing the toilet entirely.  

How he found himself lingering near the door, he didn’t know.  It was blurry, dreamlike. He looked right in, Jesse was laying flat on the bed Jane’s sleek long body was hovering over his.  She rode him slowly, like it was some primordial dance, her hands on his chest as she rocked.  Jesse let out a whiny noise, he didn’t sound anything like the movies though, he pled for her to go faster, his hands around her hips. Fingertips digging into her soft supple flesh.  She didn’t seem to listen, her dark hair now on his chest as she leaned down, kissing him, her hands clawing along the sides of his ribs.  Walt licked his lips and pressed his forehead against the door frame, blinking slowly. God forbid he miss a moment.  He just couldn’t look away, his heart was beating fast and slow at the same time...somehow...it was a saddening feeling, like he was caught in some fantasy, one he had no part in.  

Jane sat up again, moving a little faster as she kneaded her own breasts, and immediately she caught sight of Walt, her mouth parting slightly in surprise. Walter slowly closed his droopy eyes then opened them again, god he was so drunk, what was he doing? His legs couldn’t seem to move but instead of calling him out, she went on.

“I love you,” moaned Jesse, placing his hand on her cheek, “God you’re so beautiful.”

“Mmm Jesse,” she shut her eyes, her head falling back as she moved her hips, taking him all the way in. She had moved beyond being a tease, she wanted him now and at that moment so did Walt, his mouth fell open, feeling something he couldn’t quite put a name to, not that he’d really want to. It was so arousing seeing the two of them get tangled up in each other, their bodies slick from sweat, Jesse needy for praise and affection, they pawed at each other like animals in heat.  Walt now found his hand grazing his crotch, he was getting hard.

What the hell was wrong with him?

It seemed to be one questionable decision after the other, he pulled out his penis and started stroking it. He just didn’t like it though, his dry hand moving up and down wasn’t the sensation he needed. Jane found herself on her back, Jesse hungrily sucking on her nipple as he thrust into her.  Her eyes open wide, her cheeks were flushed, as she stared straight into Walt, sucking him right into that moment. Walter spit into his hand and resumed masturbating, the thrilling feeling of each movement, of actually watching and being watched back consumed him in this darkness he could never find himself clawing right out of. He thought of Jesse, he couldn’t stop, it wasn’t just Jane, it was mostly Jesse. His small frame, his big blue eyes, his messy dirty blonde hair, the way he moved, the way he talked and moaned, it was everything

Walt wanted to be right behind him, he wanted to kiss along his spine, he wanted to push right into that tight asshole of his and fuck him, fuck him hard. Make him forget Jane existed at all.

Yes that’s exactly what he wanted.

God just the idea of it...fucking Jesse senseless until all he knew was his name. Him uttering Mr. White over and over again.  

“Fuck Jane,” Jesse nearly shouted as he pushed into her faster, the slick noises of each thrust filling the room. Jane wrapped her arms around him then she instructed Jesse to stroke her clit as he fucked her and he did so immediately. And finally, there it was. Two of them nearly rolled their eyes back as the waves of their orgasms went through them, Jesse nearly collapsing onto her. Her arms held him tighter, as she let out a small laugh.

Shaking his head side to side, Walt let out a small sound, his own come covering his hand as he helplessly grasped to the door frame.

_ Shit. What was this place doing to him? _

Suddenly Walt felt so ashamed, more so than he had ever felt before. The aftertaste, it was there, it was repulsing. Walter licked his lips and disappeared before Jane could see him again. He wanted to walk as far as could, walk until his feet bled but instead he could go as far as the couch. Jane sat up in the bed wondering where he had gone, a hint of a self satisfied smile on her face.

Jesse laid on her lap, kissing her inner thigh as he started regain consciousness, his ears still ringing. “Hey what’s up. What are you looking around for.”

“Nothing,” she stroked his hair, looking at him lovingly, “This is just one of those perfect moments huh? The ones where we’re so naked, vulnerable, so real. I’m happy I’m sharing it with you Jesse.”

“Really,” Jesse looked up at her, almost as if he were about to cry.

“What? No. I’m bullshitting you baby,” she grinned widely as she playfully smacked him.

_ They were laughing. He could hear them laughing. Christ were they laughing at him? _

Walter drunkenly had these dark thoughts, his face buried in the couch pillows, his limbs hanging limply. There he was left to remain in the shadows, his foot in the door, but never completely in.


	6. The Golden Child

Along the course of Jesse’s life there had been bright spots although they were few and far between. Jane was something, she was a hell of a lot of something.

Their relationship was always a tumultuous one, one second they were on, the next they were off. She was so alluring, whatever it was that she had couldn’t be easily defined. There was an independence, a defiance in her eyes, like she was the type of girl who could do whatever the fuck she wants.  She was creative, smart, talented, everything in the world Jesse could wish for.  The day he first laid eyes on her felt almost like a movie, some scenario, some story that someone else would tell at a party.

The music thumped, and vibrated through the mansion. He was swimming among a sea of unrecognizable faces. Some people greeted him, pat him on the shoulder, ground up against him as they danced but most stayed to the side, lost in conversations, wobbling in drunken stupors.

Jesse was so intoxicated, he was at the stage when everything was spinning. Actually he wasn’t so sure what he drank in the first place. It was a little strong even for his tastes.  The halls felt like an endless maze and he got disoriented quick as he searched for a bathroom to piss in. Door after door after door, each room was occupied and none of them were bathrooms.

Finally when he came across one, he was startled to see a pale woman staring straight into the mirror, her pinkie evening out her jet black eyeliner.  She pouted her lips and turned around looking straight at Jesse, seemingly not affected by his intrusion.

“Occupied kiddo,” she hissed. “Unless you really need to piss. You can just go right here.” She kicked the toilet with her cherry red platform pumps. “Nothing I haven’t already seen.”

Jesse squinted at her, for a second considering whether or not this was real. She was like this living, breathing porcelain doll.  Everything about her features and mannerisms were so unnatural but that was all the more captivating. Still he proceeded, closing the door behind him and unzipping his pants.

“I uh-” he was still looking at her as he attempted to pee, but he was losing concentration especially with her still being in the room. She had now moved on to applying her lipstick. “I-I like your look.”

“Punk rock Bettie Page,” she ran her index finger across her bangs proudly.

“B-Bettie who? Betty Rubble,” he slurred out then stared at his penis, silently wondering to himself why the piss still wouldn’t flow.

“What? Pin-up girl, who else? Tasteful nudity, some bdsm, she was really awesome. Wound up going crazy though, but who doesn’t these days?”

Shutting his eyes, eventually Jesse was able to urinate, his head falling back from the relief. “God I needed that,” he groaned. “I don’t know who she is.”

“Well you should,” she cocked her eyebrow, “Hey! You’re the favorite aren’t you?”

“What?”

“You know, the head honcho, he loves you doesn’t he? The golden child right?”

“The what?”

“That’s what they’re calling you around here. Eyes so blue and wide you could practically swim in them. I see it. I get it. I see the dollar signs.”

“Really? They’re saying that,” Jesse adjusted himself then zipped up his pants. He went straight into casanova-mode, messing with his already messy hair, squinting his eyes, trying his best James Dean.  Clearly she wasn’t falling for it, she was looking at him strangely as he tried to hover, invading her space.  “You’re not so bad too.”

“I know. But I fit perfectly into that niche, porn star with a college degree. Well...some college. I’m educated enough, educated than most of the girls I mean.”

“Maybe I know who you are. What’s your name?”

“Jane Magnolia. And if you don’t mind me asking, you’re another gay-for-pay twink?”

“Who says?”

“I can smell it a mile away. I’ve seen some of your videos, you’re a little too convincing in those first-time scenarios. Anyway, you think you’re straight but you’re not. I’m not saying you don’t like girls but still…”

“C’mon. I’m faking it the whole time, I do it for the Gs”

“The G’s,” Jane practically laughed out, “What corner of the world did they find you? I don’t fake out a single thing.”

“So you’re saying you’ve never faked an orgasm. Isn’t that the dirty little secret all chicks have?”

“Me. No. Never. Maybe once,” she looked up, trying to sum up all her sexual experiences, “Well maybe my first time. I was fifteen, and it was the hottest guy in school. It wasn’t Sixteen Candles good, let me tell you. Anyway, although we work in the same trade they don’t ask for orgasms unless it’s with a girl.”  

“Why haven’t I bumped into you before. I’ve been in the business for at least a year already,” Jesse appeared to be completely smitten by her despite her not falling instantly for his charms.

“The boss insisted I come to this party. You know him, when he says I’m invited, he’s really saying I have to go or it’s the knife.”

“You can’t for a million years convince me that you hate being around people. Guys must like...worship you.”

“Cool it with the flattery.”

Shit. There was that smile he felt he was working so hard for, and god was it worth it. The best thing he had ever seen in his life.

“I can prove it to you.”

“Prove what,” she furrowed her brow, looking exceptionally beautiful now that she was perplexed.  

Jesse didn’t know what he was doing now, or what he was about to say but he did it anyway, “That I’m straight. I’ll show you right now.”

Now she looked interested, her green eyes staring at his lips as he got closer. They definitely were kissable, she contemplated. There was this certain boyishness to him, but he also had this femininity that appealed to both sides of her sexuality spectrum.  The palm of her hand was flat against the marble counter as they kissed, her fingers curled in with each breath she took in until it was a fist. He pushed her against the wall in a frenzy, her arms wrapping around his shoulders just getting lost in the rush of it all.

Diving straight into the crevasse was the best way to describe it, they could never break that connection ever since.

Jane stared upwards at the ceiling, smoke coming into view as she blew it out after sucking on a cigarette. Back in the present state she found herself thinking of those first days, they were always trying to relive them but there were cracks in the foundation. Her and Jesse were never going to be alright because they hardly ever spoke, all they’d ever do was fuck….fuck...and fuck some more.

The feeling they created together, the friction was louder than anything either of them wanted to say. She felt like she was just prolonging that expiration date, Jesse probably being stupid enough to fool himself into thinking this time was the time that would last forever.

Jane didn’t believe in forever.

She could hear Jesse heavily breathing, he was still asleep. Turning around she started to go through her purse, then sat up when she pulled out a baggie of cocaine. She grabbed one of Jesse’s sketchbooks, using it as a flat surface that she could pour out the substance onto.  

He stirred in his sleep, hearing her deeply snorting, then letting out a gasp of satisfaction from the high.  

“Damn. Yes,” she groaned, her throat croaking.  

“Feel like sharing,” smiled Jesse.

“No I’m running low.”

“Okay,” sitting up, Jesse ran his fingers up and down her exposed back.  He could feel her shiver, her shoulders growing tense as she grinned, her eyes shutting closed.

“That feels good,” she reclined back and kissed him. “Let’s go somewhere. I need to get high. Really high. We’re done shooting, you’re done shooting. We need to celebrate.”

“You want to binge?”

“I don’t want to sleep in a bed I recognize, tonight or tomorrow night or the next.”

“Really? But Mr. White...”

“But what? He said he had a hotel room. He probably has other things to do.”

“Weren’t you the one who wanted him to stay?”

“What? I don’t remember.”

“You said you didn’t want him sleeping alone.”

Flashes of the night before started to come back to her. Walter hungrily watching the both of them, passion in his once weary eyes. She could see the fire in his veins, it was a very intense experience, something she probably would never forget.

“What is he to you,” she said straightforwardly.  A series of emotions passed through Jesse’s face before he finally thought of the right words to say.

“He was someone from my past...from ABQ.”

“Obviously he’s not your dad.”

Obviously.

“No, he’s not. He is...I mean...he was...my chemistry teacher.”

Learning a little bit of the truth probably raised more questions than Jane had expected. She didn’t press on any further, in fact she really didn’t know what to say.  

“So I’m hungry,” Jesse got up off his bed, sliding on a pair of boxers that were thrown to the side.  “Are you? I can make you breakfast.”

“Oh no. Hangover,” she cradled her head, squinting one of her eyes. “You know how it goes.”

Jesse walked down the hall, sliding his feet because every single part of him had a dull ache. He could hear the shower was on in the bathroom. Cautiously he knocked on the door, Walt let out a grunt, then a moan.

“Hey uh-- Mr. White.”

Walt swallowed his spit as he leaned his head against the eggshell colored tile, the hot water pouring over him. He moved his hair off his face and scratched his beard nervously, hoping that Jesse would think he couldn’t hear him over the water.  

“I’m uh--like gonna do some laundry in a sec, do you want me to do your’s,” Jesse said a little louder.

“No. No. That’s fine,” Walt finally answered, his voice shaky.

“Okay, I left you a change of clothes anyway. It’s right outside the door.”

When Walt got out of the shower, he saw the clothes in a neat little pile on the hardwood floor. He grabbed them quickly, putting them on. As he made his way down the hall, he watched Jesse’s small shoulders hunched over the stovetop.  Jesse was making eggs, something with eggs at least. Walter would of asked except he felt everything was a little too awkward already. He had hoped Jesse had slept in with Jane, and he would have taken his shower and disappeared. Obviously it didn’t go as planned.

Quietly Walt began to gather his things, carrying his clothes in his arms, but his belt dropped, startling Jesse when it hit the ground.

“Oh shit! Hey,” Jesse grinned nervously. “The hamper is in the back where the laundry room is.”

Walt didn’t argue with him, he went straight for the room, dropping off his clothes with the rest of Jesse’s.  He couldn’t help noticing it was a mixture of sexy lingerie and boxer shorts, mixed in with a couple of button up shirts. His laundry didn’t seem to fit in with what was in there. Walter had been wearing a pair of worn out jeans, a red flannel shirt and a white hanes shirt with holes in it.  Maybe he did look like crap.

Not that he looked any better now, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a shirt that said Just Do It! Somehow it didn’t seem appropriate given what had happened the night before.

Walt approached Jesse hesitantly, wondering if he was going to say anything. He started helping with the dishes, the whole sink was full of them. “It’s been a while since you’ve been home?”

“Yeah. I just throw them away when it gets so bad and buy some more.”

“What,” Walt was a little disgusted by Jesse’s behavior but the young man just shrugged it off. He didn’t seem to understand the importance of taking care of something that was his own, much less doing chores in general.

“So. Last night huh? I’m sorry that uh…” Jesse scratched the back of his head, then started whisking the eggs.

The older man’s heart stopped beating, he swallowed his spit then licked his lips, “We don’t...we don’t need to discuss it.”

“Yeah I think we do.”

“I don’t think I know how to explain myself...for my actions…”

“What are you talking about? I mean about…,” Jesse looked towards his bedroom, then lowered his voice, “I’m really sorry about Jane...about her trying to...you know.”

Now Walt had a confused look on his face, Jesse turned back and poured the egg into the skillet.

“We’ve been together for a while. Shit. Who am I kidding? I don’t even know what we are. I’m too chicken shit to ask and it feels like I’m trying to deactivate this bomb. I don’t want it to blow up. For it to just end. She’s acting like this threesome is just going to somehow save everything. That’s why she...why she...”

“She what,” Walter lowered his head shamefully.

“It’s not like she likes you that way. I don’t think so. She only loves me.”

“Okay.”

“Can we just forget what happened in the car? She just wasn’t thinking straight. She was all sorts of drunk and high and whatever.”

“Oh.” Walt suddenly felt the weight lifted off his shoulders. Apparently Jane never told Jesse that he was watching. There was still hope he could sweep the entire night underneath the rug.

“Not that I even considered going through with it for a second,” spat out Jesse suddenly, almost like a person with a guilty conscious. Walt’s ears perked up and he overlooked his face. Was he flushed? Jesse was biting on his lower lip, furrowing his brow, appearing to be quite conflicted about mere suggestion as he scraped at the egg with his spatula.

“Well I imagine you’ve done worse in your line of work,” Walter smiled timidly, his eyes searching for Jesse’s, trying to pry a grin from him. Eventually the younger man gave in, he bursted into laughter after much thought.

“God yeah. I’ve done some gross things. I’m not saying you’re gross, it’d just be weird. You know...especially cause you like...were like...you know our history. You’ve like talked to my parents before...”

“Don’t be coy. I am that unattractive.”

“You’re a guy. I’m not into guys. Especially old guys.”

“Yeah?”

“Well yeah but like, if were into them. I’d say you’re not the worst of the worst. You’re not that Steve Buscemi guy.”

“But he’s a movie star and I’m not,” Walt flung the towel over his shoulder as he wiped his hands off after filling up the sink full of soapy water. “So hey, how’s the hand treating you?”

Jesse looked down at his bandaged hand as if he was surprised it was still there, “Oh yeah. Uhm. It still hurts, it cut deep.”

“And how are you...doing?”

“I...uh...I try not to think about it.”

“Fair enough. I wouldn’t want to either. Did you even put oil in that?”

“Shit no, I forgot. Now it’s sticking to the edges,” groaned Jesse. Walt leaned over, grabbing a bottle of olive oil that was to the side of the oven and pouring it as he scraped at the eggs.

“It isn’t vegetable oil but it’ll do. Didn’t anyone show you how to cook?”

“I know how to cook. I’m distracted.”

“It’s still runny. Why don’t you get some vegetables? Do you have any ham?”

“No. Everything’s rotten I guess. I haven’t had someone go run down to get me groceries.”

“Someone?”

“Yeah. You know. I got a guy.”

“You got a guy,” Walt laughed heartily, Jesse caught himself sort of looking at him in awe. He never took notice that he had a nice smile, charming dimples, and an engaging twinkle in his eyes.

Green. Were they green? Green’s a nice color.

Mr. White wasn’t the sort of guy to genuinely smile. Jesse realized at that moment he didn’t know him all that well.

It was strange though.

There was a connection there for some reason. Jesse felt terrible to send him away just because Jane wanted to go party hopping. The idea of him being alone in that hotel room was troubling, when Jane mentioned it he hadn’t really thought it through, he was just thinking with his dick at the time. But there had been times when Jesse had been alone in hotel rooms, the darkness stretching on and on, completely detached from the outside. Jesse stared at his hand then back at Walt.

He killed a man for him.

He could have just run away but he didn’t.

And as if him and Walt were on the same wavelength, he heard the older man softly utter, “Why didn’t you run?”

Jesse stayed silent, he still didn’t have the answer. “I don’t know. I could have, but I didn’t. Maybe I’m a better person than I expect myself to be.” He pulled at his beige tank, like a confused child, then made a perplexed look at Walt, raising his blues up to his.

“I suppose that’s what separates you and me. Given the chance, I would have run and left myself behind.”

Putting some distance between them, Jesse walked over to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of orange juice.  He smelled it and when he was convinced it hadn’t gone bad, placed it on the kitchen island.  Leaning against his elbows, he looked at Walt cooking. Of course he’d take over.

“You can have my share if you want,” Jesse spoke before taking a drink out of the container.

Walt shrugged, “I think after the laundry is done, it’s best I go.”

“Okay,” the younger man wiped his mouth, then heard Jane’s bare footsteps approaching him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder, her eyes barely looking over at Walt. Her grip tightened as she pulled Jesse even closer, for whatever reason hoping Walt would turn his attention to them.

“What are you making there Walter,” her voice was deep and rough like sandpaper.  

“Huh. Oh. I’m finishing what Jesse started,” Walt saw the two of them together, his eyes noticing Jesse rubbing his hands up and down Jane’s forearms.  

It was a crushing feeling. That thrill for the night before was long gone. The fantasy was dead and all hope that Walt had of being apart of Jesse’s life dissipated just from seeing the two of them together. The light of the sun was far too sobering, even though Walt swore he was still a little tipsy.  

“Actually I have some place I sh-should be,” there was a pitiful sound in Walt’s voice.  He looked like a dying animal, trying to go some place to die alone.  

\---------

Sitting against the wall Jesse stared at a neon sign that flickered on and on. It was a bright purple and spelled out Love Is Dead in big bold letters. It hung on a concrete grey colored wall opposite from him.  He was definitely tripping, he was tripping hard. His mouth were dry and his teeth chattered, his veins icy cold.

Over and over he relived the warm feeling of blood underneath him. The man’s stunned face etched into his mind’s eye.  

One second he saw Jane painting on the wall like it was a blank canvas, swirls and swirls that he felt himself falling down endlessly.

Jane’s mouth somehow found his and they kissed, it was hot and wet as they fell to the floor.  Other people were at the party were having experiences of their own. It didn’t get much farther than kissing and groping. Her pelvis grinding up against his, until the passion started to subside, her eyes glazing over until she fell to her side.  She looked like she had just seen God.

Jesse had never reached that euphoric stage yet, he was caught in a nightmare, swatting at bugs that were crawling up his arms.  

“He’s coming back,” Mike’s voice was coming from the phone Jesse was gripping onto with cold clammy hands. It took him a while to realize time had passed and whatever he was living out wasn’t some dream.

“Who….huh...what,” Jesse’s heart thumped hard in his chest.  He curled into the corner of the room..  Of course he had to go a bit over the edge, he was feeling like maybe it was a little too much but he was just following Jane’s example. She was getting extra chummy with another girl, talking about some existential philosophical shit that Jesse couldn’t take part in, much less understand. “I can’t really hear you.”

“You at one of those junkie parties? God damnit Jesse.”

“No. I’m just with some friends...you know. We’re just chilling, it’s nothing.”

“You know perfectly well that you should avoid those places entirely. You’ll just get hooked all over again.”

“Not even. I know I’m not.”

“You know what they say about that river that runs through Egypt?”

“No. What?”

“Nevermind. The point is, he’ll want to see you. And I feel like I need to stress that you need to not look like a steaming pile of hungover horseshit.”

“Oh crap,” facepalmed Jesse, “I have been under a lot of pressure.”

“Really. Why is that so hard to believe?”

“Whatever. When is he coming?”

“Two days. Get your shit together, get rid of those bags under your eyes and sober yourself.”

Mike then hung up.

“Hey hey Jesse look,” Jane called to him, holding a guitar, and strumming it. “I’m gonna start a band, we’re gonna make it big.” Her attention went back to her new friend, “So this is a fender? Oh a stratocaster? How cool. I’ve never held one before..”

She crossed her legs, placing the guitar on her lap staring at it like it was practically the holy grail. At the corner of her eye she noticed Jesse putting on his jacket and attempting to stand up, the flat of his palm against the wall as he steadied himself.

“I gotta jet,” he groaned, looking at Jane like a misbehaving little boy caught in the act. “Stuff came up.”

“Is daddy home,” Jane cocked her eyebrow, a sarcastic tone in her voice.

“What are you talking about,” Jesse lowered his head, then anxiously looked at every set of eyes that were on him.  

“When daddy’s home you can’t play,” she jutted out her lower lip causing Jesse to let out an angry groan, slamming the door behind him.

\---------

Walt was used to the sun. Frankly Albuquerque had a lot of sun to offer, but it was somehow different right along the west coast. He hung around the balcony in an old hotel, pacing back and forth, his eyes being magnetically pulled to the empty pool in the center of the concrete graveyard. A broken bike missing the front wheel was in the center, rusty and old.  He couldn’t help thinking of Jesse’s pool.

The deep blue that pulled him right in. He thought of better things, of things he could of had, of things that used to belong to him.  There was an emptiness inside of him, a longing for more than what he could possibly dream of. Just having a taste of what it was like to be someone else was gradually eating at him.  

He thought of Jesse in the pool, swimming towards him.

On the one hand Walter knew true happiness was piece of mind but on the other hand, something fresh, something shiny and new felt all the more better. God Walt wanted that life, he wanted to have everything.

He wanted that pool for himself, he wanted Jesse for himself and no matter how shameful the thought was, Walt found it never leaving his mind.  

Darkness lurked around the corner. He remembered being curled up, feeling defenseless, like all life had been stricken out of him, the second he saw his life flash before his eyes. It could have very well ended right there underneath that flickering street light.

But it didn’t.

The phone inside his hotel room started to ring and he answered it, the owner of the place was on the other side of the line, “Hello, there’s a call for you. His name is Saul Goodman. You know the guy?”

Walt’s heart thumped hard. He remembered that name. Wasn’t that Jesse’s agent who bolted?

“Yeah. Yeah. I’ll take the call.”

“Thank god I found you. Hey thanks for taking the fall for me,” Saul’s voice sounded rushed and shaky.

“What the hell? Why are you calling me? Jesse isn’t here, you must be mixed up in some serious shit. Were they looking for you and they mistook you for me?”

“Those details you don’t need to know bucko but I have a favor to ask.”

“You’re talking to the wrong person!”

“Hold up! I know how things work. I understand you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about me but you care about Jesse right?”

“What makes you think that?”

“I have my sources, okay. I need you to keep an eye on him, work your magic on him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I need you to be his agent. You don’t think I would just leave him high and dry? He was my wingman, my buddy, he got me plenty of ass and plenty of money okay. I’m not the kind of guy who doesn’t keep his promise.”

“No. What?”

“Convince him. Just a little bit of...encouragement, would work.”

“No!”

“I’ll make this sweet on you. How does 10,000 sound to you?”

“10,000? 10,000 what?”

“Fine. You’re bleeding me dry here...15,000 dollars. I’ll get one of my guys to bring it to you. Just whatever you do...take care of the kid and don’t let that...that jerk have him wrapped around his finger. The bastard wants him all to himself, he's greedy and possessive, manipulative...but most of all...he's dangerous.”

“What,” Walt didn’t realize how many times he must have said that word, he just felt like he was knocked off his feet suddenly. “Who?”

“Gus Fring who else? Keep him away from him.”

Suddenly the phone went dead and there was a thud against his hotel door. Walt slowly walked to it, turning the knob slowly. A brown paper bag was at the entrance. Cautiously he looked inside and held the money in his hand, his jaw dropping as he counted it.

15,000 dollars. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for liking my fic and for all the nice comments. I'm glad some people are reading this, things are going to get more interesting soon.


	7. Imprints

Never had a brown paper bag held so much significance, when he thought paper bags he usually thought of grease soaking through them, not being full of money. Walt found himself counting the cash over and over. His fingers sliding along the surface of each bill he counted. Money always did have that intoxicating smell; wealth, power, security, everything he longed for.

But the responsibility that came with it…

He could hardly even take care of himself, or his family, much less Jesse. His ex-student was already too far along a path that would prove difficult to pull him out of. Although they weren’t so different, him and Jesse, they both acted like husks, their souls aching and longing for anything else but this.

Walt wasn’t consciously aware of it, he just felt close to him when he really didn’t want to be. He felt a tug at his heart, he did want to go back, and the money was giving him an extra push.

Overcoming the temptation, Walt stood up and grabbed the paper bag and placed it back outside.

Fine. If Saul’s men were really watching, they’d get the picture.

If someone else got the money...well who cares...it wasn’t his problem anyway.

Living in his car seemed less destructive than getting tangled up in whatever that situation was. It was deep shit obviously, people dying, large sums of cash, Saul running away from whatever shitstorm he must have caused. Walt didn’t want to have to live on the run, he was already running enough as it is.  He waited, sitting up against the headboard of the bed. No one had kicked down his door yet.

Maybe it was all a lie.

The fear subsided and Walt drifted off, a flask resting on his stomach.

\-----------

Jane paced in front of Jesse’s house, she eventually stood to the side, her back against the wall, a cigarette hanging loosely from her mouth as she searched for her lighter. She saw Jesse driving his car his silver bmw into the curved driveway, parking right in front of the garage. He got out carrying shopping bags filled with groceries.

“Hey,” she spat, Jesse looked away, giving her the cold shoulder. “What the fuck?”

He stood at the door, fishing for his keys which she snatched from his hand once he got them out. “What Jane?”

“You can’t just pretend I’m not here. What is wrong with you? It’s stupid you haven’t even given me a key. I got a ride, you weren’t home. So I was outside in the fucking sun for like...an hour or something.”

“You have your own place don’t you?”

“Yeah and? I practically live here. What’s got you acting like a complete jerk?”

Jesse took the keys back, then tried to slam the door before she got in but she shoved her way inside. “I have to sober up. I know I can’t with you around.”

“Are you saying I force you to inject things, snort things?” she grinned wildly, obviously on something, venom in every word she uttered. “Like at gunpoint? You know you like it.”

“Why did you have to make a scene at that party? You always make it hard for me.”

“What scene,” she blew out smoke to the side, narrowing her eyes. “When I was talking about daddy?”

“Shut up,” Jesse snapped, covering his face, “You know how important he is. I could lose my job if he sees me looking or acting...like... When he found me I was some junkie runaway piece of shit, I can’t have him thinking…”

“What’s got you so sensitive? You two are fucking, right? Half the industry knows already.”

“Oh come on...you seriously think?” Jesse rolled his eyes, “Why would you even care?”

“I don’t,” Jane’s hazel eyes looked fierce, “But if you’re lying to me, what the fuck is the point of this anyway? I could be totally cool with it if you at least told me the truth.”

“No. Not even,” he placed his sunglasses on the kitchen island right next to his groceries. “I’m never cool with it, when you say that you wanna...include other people. No one is ever ok with it, they just act like they are. I think you just want to...You want to break up cause you’re bored. I get it, I am boring, I’m not like all your smart friends.”

“Really? Is that what you think?”

“Yes, I know it.”

“I feel like I’m the only one who’s trying here. I suggest we go out, I suggest we do things, you need to broaden your mind. The other night when your friend was over...I could see there was something between you two, so I thought I could include him in our activities.”

“Yeah and you embarrassed yourself.”

“Wow. Okay,” Jane raised her middle finger shoving it in his face, then walked away, headed straight for the door. Right as she was about to leave she turned around, not ready to admit defeat, “Your friend watched us you know.”

“What,” Jesse had his hands over his eyes, rubbing them trying to hide the tears that were wanting to come out, “Watched us what?”

“When we had sex, he watched us. I saw him masturbating, I’m surprised his dick didn’t fall off from how hard he was tugging.  So yeah, I was right, Jesse. I’m not stupid.”

And with that final statement, she slammed the door. Jesse’s eyes were wide, completely dumbstruck, she had to be lying...why would Mr. White even? He immediately grabbed a glass, pouring orange juice in it, and from one second to the next that drink became a screwdriver, Jesse pouring so much Smirnoff that it spilled all over the counter.

“Shit..crap,” he cursed, watching the liquid dribble onto his new shoes.  “God damnit!”  He didn’t even leave enough room for the ice cubes. Solemnly he stared at the drink and the mess he made.

\-------

Walt bit into a messy burger, the mustard and mayo dribbling down his thumb. It was falling apart, the tomato was already on the wrapper along with some stray pickles. The old man let out a sigh but continued eating as if this were the first time he’d had a real meal.  In some ways that may have been true.  

Nothing was better than this, this was as good as it gets.  Wiping his mouth off with a napkin, he was startled to see a small ginger man sitting right in front of him, his eyes staring straight, in a threatening manner.

“Is that you how you choose to spend your money?”

Walt was speechless, still chewing on the food in his mouth.

“The money, he shall not be named, gave you for a certain service.”

“Excuse me,” Walt sat up in his chair, now seeing a hefty looking african american man approaching him with his arms crossed, a deadpan look in his eye. “I--I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t play stupid.”

“I’m not. If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about...I left the bag outside. I’m in over my head enough at it is. Now whoever may have picked up the bag isn’t on me. There were plenty junkies who are probably putting that cash into good use.”

“C’mon don’t b.s. us.”

“I left the bag outside and by night it was gone. Do you think I’d lie?”

“Yes in fact we do. Actually we know,” he pulled out a handheld camera, he pointed the lcd screen at Walt showing him a video shot in night-vison. The footage was shaky but sure enough Walt saw himself opening the hotel room slowly, pulling the bag inside like an animal dragging it’s prey.

God damnit.

He rolled his eyes and covered his face with his palm.

“Okay okay. I can get you the cash, it’s not like I really spent it. I paid for the meal…”

“And you paid for that shitty disguise. C’mon,” the ginger man smacked Walt’s hat off, “A trucker cap and sunglasses! You’re shitting me!”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t,” Walt plead, fear in his eyes.

“Don’t shit yourself, Jesus. Just do your fucking job or else my friend will make you sorry. Is that right Huell?”

Huell moved in closer, he let out a labored noise and nodded his head as he crossed his arms.

“Okay,” Walt was feeling less threatened now, he probably could have bolted but there was a risk maybe there were even more of them for all he knew. “I play babysitter? Is that it then?”

“You could say that. Anyway my name is Kuby, we’re going to be working pretty close,” he reached out his hand and Walt hesitantly shook it. “Now we have to do something about that look. If you’re going to be a hot shot agent you have to at least own a shitty polo.”

“I wasn’t paid enough to wear a polo,” grumbled Walt, rubbing his eyes.

“Don’t be rude,” snapped Kuby, who then motioned for Huell to make a move. The bigger man grabbed Walt’s burger, biting off a huge chunk of it, all the while not breaking eye contact with Walt.

Walt let out an agonizing moan, “Seriously. I wanted to finish that.”

“Too bad chicken shit, we have a lot to do,” Kuby cut in with a shrug.  

\--------------------

Handing his keys to the valet, Jesse stared at him for a second longer and realized the guy was close to his age. How the hell did things turn out this way? Easily Jesse could have been in his place. Jesse sighed as he stood against one of the columns belonging to the mansion where the party was being held.

His breathing was uneven, Jesse had to hold himself together, adjusting his blazer and then the loose t-shirt underneath. He wanted to look cool like all the other young up and comers in the place, he wanted it to look effortless. But once he walked in, he was reminded that he was just as afraid as he had always been since the beginning. Sure he was usually confident but he could feel Gus’ presence immediately. Everything was perfect, the workers were going out of their way to make sure everyone was happy, they were dead afraid of any need not being met. The repercussions were well known if anything did go wrong.

Within seconds Jesse had a drink in his hand as he wandered aimlessly, making small conversation with other stars he had worked with, some people who said he knew but he couldn’t remember, and new people he never met telling him of all the potential he had.  

Potential.

Shit.

That was a word that made him think instantly of Mr. White, he could remember just days before he ran away, being in the classroom with him when all the other kids had left, the sun shining from outside, casting long shadows.  

_Jesse you have potential, I see it in you. You need to find that effort! Think of something, anything that can give you the drive and harness it, anyone can act like a class clown. But it takes true character to overcome the temptation of taking the easy way out._

Jesse was the king of the taking the easy way out, he gulped down his drink and wiped his mouth, losing focus of whatever conversation he was taking part in. He was standing in a circle with four other people just discussing their plans for their futures.  

Big deal. Mr. White wasn’t perfect…

Definitely not.

“Hey kid,” Jesse was frightened out of his train of thought and sure enough there was Mike being extra smiley. “Have we got good news for you.”

“Huh,” the young man looked confused as Mike led him away from the crowd.

“You see Gus yet?”

“No. I thought I’d bump into him by now.”

“He’s looking for you, I’ll take you to him.”

“I-Is he in a bad mood?”

“No. In fact he’s the opposite, even though the man is known to never genuinely smile, I saw the corner of his lip tense up like he wanted to. I think he’s excited to see you, you’re all he’s talking about.”

“Do I look alright,” Jesse was somewhere between ecstatic and anxiety ridden as he tried to fix his hair, his eyes desperate for Mike’s response.

“You look just fine. Tired. But what can you do?”

“I left her.  I broke up with Jane so I’ve been...I’ve been bad,” the words just slipped out like he had been holding them for so long. He probably should have called Mike before the party but this seemed like as good a moment as any other.

“Buck up kid, there’s better days ahead of you.”

The both of them stopped, Mike pointing at a glass door, one of his eyes squinting. Gus was pacing side to side in the moonlight, he was wearing a cream colored suit, a blue shirt underneath. Pensively he smoked a cigar, isolated from the going ons of the party he had thrown. That’s how Jesse always remembered him. Cool, icy cool, like a statue.  

Slowly turning the knob of the door Jesse peeked his head outside, his eyes bright. “Hey uh...you wanted to talk?”

“Ah yes, Pinkman,” smiled Gus, his hand firmly squeezing Jesse’s shoulder. The younger man was instantly unsure of the situation, he appeared to be confused, sliding his feet across just enough so that he could close the door behind him. “How have you been?”

“Uhm tired,” Jesse squinted and wrinkled his nose, “I just need rest you know. Working on that gig really tired me out.”

“I understand. Well I was meaning to discuss with you some good news.”

“Yeah Mike got that point across, so uh...what is it?”

“The films you’ve appeared in have been very profitable.”

“Oh hey, that’s great.”

“Actually, specifically, your scenes have caused quite the buzz. On our website your photos are the highest viewed, your videos have been in high demand. People want you, specifically men with money to spend and even women who have been a growing demographic. The numbers have been rising, Pinkman,” he narrowed his eyes and blew out smoke. “You know perfectly well what that means.”

“Uh...I-I don’t know what to say,” Jesse’s mouth stayed agape, “Seriously me though?”

“Why the disbelief? You of all people should have known you were headed this route. More exposure, more word of mouth, eventually people catch on. You have a certain quality that makes them want more.”

“Gus. I give it everything, how can I give even more?”

Gus laughed, his hand pat Jesse’s cheek. This gesture left Jesse taken a back, his eyes grew wide.

“You’re very engaging, and your personality shines through.”

“Personality?”

“Yes, personality. You bring in the humanity, it’s very natural, you come across as if you’re enjoying yourself in each scene.”

“It’s just a job, really,” Jesse tucked his hands into his pockets as he looked at the garden that stretched long and far. “Did they plant more stuff?”

“I’ve been gone for quite a while, I wanted to come home to some change. Do you like it?”

“Yeah. I like the colors.”

“I have a proposition, an offer to make for you. It appears this partnership...is very beneficial to the both of us. I have three films in pre-production. Name me a price and I’ll give it to you.”

Jesse’s mouth nearly dropped, he covered his face and turned his back towards Gus. “You mean...it’s not going to be like a scene to scene we’ll see if there’s a space available or not sort of thing?”

“My lawyers are already writing up a contract as we speak, we just need to fill in the blank for your salary.”

“W-What is too much? Like what is the maximum amount I can...like...get?”

“Don’t fly too close to the sun, Pinkman. Be rational. Don’t make a fool out of me, I think you know what number is the best.”  

\--------------

With the wind blowing through his hair Jesse drove fast along a winding road, his blazer had felt too tight so now it was on the floor of the car. Each hand held onto either side of the steering wheel as he went on and on, no end in sight. He searched for the street he’d have to turn on right before reaching his home but he had yet to find it.

The radio was on the oldies station, Jesse was too drunk to even care and Hotel California was on loudly. He suddenly saw the image of his father swaying side to side as he drank a whiskey, he took Jesse’s mother’s hand as she emerged from the kitchen, the two of them dancing, stumbling stupidly. Jesse must have been small, real small, that was one of the only times he could ever remember them being happy.

When he finally reached his house, he was surprised to see the figure of someone lingering at his doorway.

Was it Jane?

No. Whoever it was had broad shoulders, he was wearing a jacket and thick framed glasses. The man lifted his head and Jesse was startled, but then let out a sigh of relief. He got out of the car and slammed the door, walking straight towards him.

“Mr. White? Is that you?”

“Yes, I was wondering when you’d get home.”

“How the hell did you get here?”

“Taxi, how the hell else?”

“You got new clothes,” Jesse gave him the once over, nodding his head in approval. “Why?”

“Well. I was doing some thinking,” Walt gave him a half smile, cocking his eyebrow.

“Uh...yeah. Do you wanna...uh come in,” Jesse unlocked the door, leaving it open a crack.

Walking into the kitchen area he immediately remembered the argument him and Jane had, not that he entirely forgot, but it was really hitting him now. His body tensed up imagining the scenario Jane had painted for him, at the moment Walt was in the shadows, flipping his reddish-brown hair out of his face. Jesse’s hands were either side of the kitchen counter as he tried to compose himself, his heart was now racing.

Great, he was giving himself an anxiety attack.

He should know better, Jane always liked to screw with him, maybe that’s what she did now. The possibility that Walt was that perverted, that depraved just didn’t make sense.

“Are you going to turn on a light or should I,” questioned Walt.

Jesse walked to the living room and took off his clothes leaving them on a pile on the floor, then flipped the switch on on one of his lamps, casting an orange glow, making the room look instantly warm. “So what’s up.”

“Seeing as your agent up and left, I did some thinking over the past few days and it upsets me thinking he’d abandon you.”

“Yeah well shit happens,” Jesse sank into his couch, his hair disheveled and his legs outstretched, only in his underwear. “Just shows you who is your friend and who is not. And believe me I’ve lost a lot of friends.”

Walt’s shoulders fell as he stood over Jesse, “I won’t do that to you.”

“Shut up,” laughed the younger man, playfully shoving at Walt’s leg with his own. Desperately he hoped Walt was telling the truth, his eyes full of hope, but uncertain.

“It’s true. I came all the way here, I’m the only person who wanted to find you.”

“You said you came cause you were trying to find yourself…”

“And I so happened to turn on the tv, and I so happened to see you when I wasn’t intending to. Doesn’t that sound a lot like destiny?”

“You’re too science-y to think that way. C’mon. You’re fucking with me.”

“I did my research just to find you Jesse because I have your best interests in mind. I think. I know...that is a vital piece that was missing with Saul. I see your potential, I know what you’re capable of achieving. I know you. I know what you need.”

The gears were turning in Jesse’s head as he stared deeply into Walt’s eyes, then looking away in deep speculation, tracing his thumb across his lip. “You don’t know the first thing about being an agent, Saul had all these connections.”

“Well I guess I’ll have to make new ones. Better ones. You think I haven’t started looking?”

Jesse lifted his eyes again, he was just so close to saying yes. Walt looked sincere and Jesse needed anyone, anything at this moment. He had good news but no one to share it with.

“Okay,” the younger man threw his head back against the cushion, soaking in the sight of Walt before him, somehow more confident than before. The entire night was disorienting, but Walt was so reassuring, it must have been the certainty in his deep voice.  “You just have to stay the night...and pour me a drink,” Jesse laughed.

There was a pause before Walt laughed as well. “I’ll be having a whiskey and so will you,” he retorted.


End file.
